Since I was a teenager, I have struggled with mental health, diagnosed anxiety, insomnia, and recently depression. Since I was younger, I have always been a ‘worrier’, but I realised something was not right when I started having irrational worries that made me not want to leave the house.
Last week was Time to Talk Day, which looked to bring people together to have a conversation about their mental health. This inspired our Vice-President to share her experience with Mental Health in hope that it would open up a conversation and support others.
My time at UCB has been very up and down.
Since I was a teenager, I have struggled with mental health, diagnosed anxiety, insomnia, and recently depression. Since I was younger, I have always been a ‘worrier’, but I realised something was not right when I started having irrational worries that made me not want to leave the house.
I got some help and have been on and off medication ever since. I was so excited about coming to university; however, during my five years at UCB, I faced some of my most challenging and darkest times. I heavily abused different substances to try and ‘cope’ however this led me to have worse mental health and defer a semester in my second year after being rushed into hospital due to being boarder line of having alcohol-related liver disease and nearly needing a transplant. This was a wakeup call for me. Thankfully, my liver rejuvenated, and I was given a second chance. I put time and effort into myself and focused on my mental health. I got to a good place and returned to university. It started so well.
When returning to Uni, not long after I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and told my ovaries were in a bad way. At this point, I was not able to have kids. It is a chronic condition that I struggle with. I started going downhill after this. After having this diagnosis as I always felt my purpose in life was to have children, I was never prepared for there to be complications. I struggled in silence for a long time; I did not want anyone to see me as ‘weak’ or ‘attention-seeking’. My attendance declined as I did not want to leave my room, and even showering was a struggle.
I was able to pick myself up enough to ask for help. I got back on my medication and received counselling (after quite a long wait). I powered through my final year, and things were going well, I stopped counselling as I did not feel it was beneficial and after a year of being on medication, my doctors agreed I could ‘ease’ off them, so that is what I did. I returned to my hometown not long after to care for my extremely unwell grandfather. I became a carer alongside finishing my degree, and that is when we were launched into a global pandemic. Things got tough, but I was powering through when I got my position as Vice President of the Guild. My grandad then became eligible to have carers come to his home; therefore, my duty as his primary caregiver was eased.
A miracle happened, and I finished my degree during lockdown 1.0. I moved back to Birmingham to undertake my role; however, I did not expect to be lonely. My insomnia got worse. I would sleep no more than 12 hours a week when I started feeling ‘down’. I would feel excessively drained, and my body reflected that. I did not want to tell anyone. I hate being a burden. My flatmate had been in contact with someone who’s flatmate had coronavirus so we thought we would go to get a test. Her test was negative, and mine was unknown, so I went to do another test. A couple of days later, my results were back. I was positive for coronavirus. I soon felt isolated. I was alone in my room by myself and struggling with coronavirus.
After my isolation, my mental health deteriorated yet again. I took days off work. In November, I finally went back to my doctors. They gave me medication alongside diagnosing me with depression; they signed me off from work for a month. I tried different medications and then in December; I finally found the one that works. During the month off my grandad deteriorated. He passed on the 17th of December, so Christmas and the New Year have been a struggle. I felt so guilty taking the time away from work; however, it gave me the chance to spend the time with my closest family and be there in my Grandfathers final days.
Through my struggles, I found it difficult to find the right support. I joked with my friends and said, “I have been there and done that”, so they naturally come to me for support and guidance. All of this led me to want to make a change at UCB. I feel like I am everyone’s big sister, and it is my duty to step up and make some changes. I have been there, I have lived through some difficult times so now
I need to continue my journey of helping people but now, in a broader scale, and although it would be easy to say, ‘I’m fine’. I can assure you I am not. I feel stronger than I was. However, I know I am not as strong as I could be. Some days are good, some days are bad. I am sharing my story with you as its Time to Talk about mental health before it is too late. Things are rarely fixed overnight, and it truly is a journey. We need to break the stigma around being ‘weak’. Coronavirus has shown us the importance of mental wellbeing. Do not put it off like I did, talk up, ask for help. We at the Guild are happy listen and point you to services that will be beneficial. I am putting on a ‘Makeup and Chill’ session on a Wednesday afternoon and a quiz/social night on a Wednesday evening. UCB has over 6000 students, let us get you in contact with other students. There is no reason as to why anyone should feel alone during this pandemic.
- Alice
Please take a look at our Mental Health Matters page where you can find events, activities, and a blog from our Guild Director about her experience with Mental Health